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Most of these are not present day, but belated editions and translations from my past essays and poems. Only a few are up-to-date reflections.

Some are inspired or real stories, and some are generic.

And anyway, thank you for being here and not just on the other page ))))

One Night Stand

I was recently "recommended" to "experience a one night stand at least once". By a man, of course. Well... One of my secretly favorite books (I say "secretly", because just like the heroine, I can't speak to others about such affections, and I've only read it twice in...

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Say You Do

...It is as easy as giving water to a horse. Just say “Of course”. Nothing big. Rain is still bigger, and A word will vanish like a teardrop in a lake. Nothing hard. Blizzard is harder, and A word will melt like a snowflake. Between a little lie and a big cold, I...

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Souls Do Not Diverge

Souls do not diverge in ways of meaning. Yet they part their ways when fear checks in. Curving spaces hold our bodies leaning, Never let us loose to feel the skin. Idle tries to comprehend creation Bear no count to atoms, chances, stars. What’s that shadow hung in...

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The Day My Shadow…

“The day my shadow gets bored of dragging behind me”, the Stranger said in faint flickering candlelight, “I shall be thankful to her alone: in her, my most faithful one, lies a grain of existence”. “I have played different roles in life, but forgotten who myself is. I...

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She Won’t Be Back

One day, you see, she won’t return Your call, your text, your “I love you”. She’ll dry her tears and will not yearn For something that she thought was true. She will not think you’re good or bad. She will not think of you at all. Spare all your “you know what we’ve...

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Vanity

Through the dust of experiences and through the veil of misunderstandings, I was staring at myself at the vanity table, piercing the axle and nullifying my mind, spirit and body. Outside, the butterfly was struggling with the window glass, as if it was scary out there...

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The Red

The noiseless train was rushing up the helix. Frenetic switchmen whistling after us. A day? A century, us, waiting with our eyes fixed For rays of sun to be no more. And thus, We left the train precisely at the station Where Pan was teaching nights the art of dark,...

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Us

Like the kindest look of a child (All the more wonderful since he's not yours), So generous could my heart be, So could it sing to your tapping. The higher you are, the lower I fall. The more transparent your wing, The darker the night’s chill, The further the coast,...

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Heat

She’s on the hunt for heat. With a candle in her hand she checks out every bonfire, every beacon out there, and every sign. She reluctantly tries on skewers, but none fits. Give her a piece of coal, and she’ll start doodling little figures: “Like this. To ashes” No...

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Password

Confined within my keeper’s will. I’m under his password. He is my darling warlock. His torrid eyes are black as coals. His shadow touches the ninth step on a stairway. And in his chest I hear the thunder rumble. Listen to his incantations. They are the music, the...

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Silence And Breeze

Splashing water, and silence, and breeze. Two countries half-erased. I’m alone. See, that pall crawling to the shores will soon turn the city into a milky-gray turbid mass. Not spying at all, a dragonfly will fly up to explore me. I'll close my eyes – And from the...

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A Question

I was thinking ... we rather don’t cry because of people, or because of situations that we have complicated beyond the necessary. We cry because of the ghosts from our own nights, from those forgotten, terrible, unforgiven dreams. We cry in anticipation and in loss,...

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Alter Ego

Between the lines of heartly notes, Between the key strokes short and tight, My alter ego lives and knows Her truth beyond the dark and light, Where I’m no slut neither a wife, Nor am I smart neither I’m stupid, Not mean, not just, not for a bit, But simply grateful...

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An Overnight Project

Bansheeland, day unknown When I arrive in your town, I ask people around where the street is where all hookers gather at night. I put on my shortest skirt, over-the-knee boots, slutty makeup, and too much of sweet perfume. My shadow looks like an alien, and so does my...

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Dawn

At early dawn the passing fog Is throwing his pearlescent cloak Upon the chilly web. “Goodbye”. That careless wind is passing by. The flipped through pages of a book About a runaway countess look Abandoned, saddened, soaking wet, In darkest alleys of your...

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For X

X squared: You are the cross, I am the digit, The tiny swan-like “2”, appealed to you. Do crossroads turn to lakes for those who need it? I’d turn into a swan if it was true. X squared you are. The prophesies are coming From swastika of your unlikely smile; Like...

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Get Out Of My Insomnia

Get out of my insomnia. My night was just for rent. Can’t stand the buzz (oh sorry me!) Of choking thoughts. Just can’t. My heart be your hotel for good; And smoking is allowed! Stay on the boiling coffee hood Each morning. Then get out. I’ll build you palaces of...

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Switch

“May I hear your words in dark?” From my own house, untied (because, sadly, not despite) and with the switch in plain sight (because, not despite), I ask the distance for permission to turn off the lights. Being ordered to instead of allowed to is my longing;...

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Limits

My borders are not my limits. They are my doors. They are to be respected. Let’s play. You ring a bell. Or knock. What’s your style? How subtle are you? How elegant would it be to have the key… to stealthily walk in at night… to watch me being me. I’ll tell you a...

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Ange Et Démon

You, Demon, have inflamed nothing but kinky anxiety. You, Angel, have left a simple mantra to be good. Two marks on my soul: a scar of passion and a trail to peace.

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Moon

The more I know you the deeper I fall. Flying past innocent Alice I scream to her “Rabbits are okay! But beware of the faun!” Now I know... You could fuck the Moon and whack it off its course. The Earth would be flooded. The apocalypse would come. Please leave me just...

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Powder

Grind me into clouds of fragrant powder to enswathe your skin.   The world can’t see us anymore except the magnificent dawn behind the clouds colored like a nymph’s thigh.   Don’t miss me after I dissipate. Like any cloud, I wasn’t...

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Songs

They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. So do my songs start appearing before me now. Of course it seems like it is me who finds them: I browse Youtube and Spotify, remembering what else I wanted to check out, hearing tips from friends... But we...

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Mindfuck

Entwined impossibilities spin the wheel of our role-play. He talks to me not knowing I don’t really talk to him. I’m carried away by a fantasy within a fantasy, but my Observer is really mean. That inner p-zombie of mine is laughing at my silly little girl. - You’re...

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Words

Owing to English not being my native language, I probably don’t experience it all the way natives do. A word has a semantic meaning and a sound. I like listening to a sound. One condition: a word needs to be whispered. If you speak it audibly, it will solidify from...

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Out of Reach

I will never lean my head back on your shoulder to see the perforated sun winking at us through linden leaves. I will never know what you smell like. I will never see the way bed sheets ripple under your weight. I will never crush a million butterflies by saying...

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Trust I’m Not A Guy

This is funny. I’ve already heard from a couple of guys (usually after a productive Kik talk) that they worry whether after ALL THAT I’m not actually a guy having his little perverted fun. Kinksters, come on! You can handle that! Well, firstly, I can actually...

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To My Vanilla Friends

Rather than making him furious as well as upsetting myself, shouldn’t I better just rejoice at the birth of a new relationship (for a less lyrical local term, dynamic), a kind that most subs really long for? They are searching, my friends; so many classifieds, so many...

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Recently Messed Up

I’d like to say I’m a fresh out of the oven kinkster, but realistically speaking I’m still in the oven. Being simmered by some and grilled by others, I discover new things every day; things about myself and about people. Just like Alice exploring the sides of the well...

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